what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
