I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
