Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
