mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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