dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Shame is for Republicans.
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