Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
