I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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