So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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