Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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