I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
