Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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