Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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