come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
