I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
