is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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