i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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