so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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