My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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