And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
