Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
