Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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