& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
