Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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