we made out on top of his cat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Randomize
