Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
