sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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