i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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