Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
