I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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