I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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