Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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