Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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