my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
