And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
