Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize