a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
