If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
