Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
