capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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