YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
