I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The air was thick with penises
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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