I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
