Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
