Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
