Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
