I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
