I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
