I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
