My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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