Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
