Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize