pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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