Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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