I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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