just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
