Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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