you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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