so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
