Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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