FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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