ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
